Saturday, August 25, 2012

Amazing Apples

"Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are on the top of the tree. The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and don't want to get hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't so good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top because they value quality."                - Unknown

I'm not one who says a lot of nice things about myself, but do I think I'm amazing? Yes, actually I do. Then how come it's so hard not to think that something is wrong with me? Just waiting for a brave apple picker tends to do that, I guess.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

The Hero in Your Soul

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.

 - Ayn Rand

It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is mine.

Friday, August 3, 2012

NIne Years

Nine years ago I became a mother. I did not give birth to him, but hopefully I have helped give life to him. He has given so much life to me. He is the funniest kid I know and has so much energy - and smart.....oh my, is he smart, too smart, maybe.
In nine more years he will be considered an adult. How does the time go by so fast? How fast will the next 9 years go? I'm crying already just thinking about it (really I am, but I think it has more to do with how emotional I have been all week). I remember seeing him for the first time and seeing his little mustache! I thought this kid will need to shave by the time he's 5 years old! He didn't need to, although he did try to shave once around that age and sliced himself up pretty good. He had the cutest face and biggest cheeks. He was my little boy and I was never happier. We video taped and took pictures of his every move. I remember just watching him do nothing but being mesmerized by him. Every day I have him is a gift and I want to remember and thank his sweet, courageous birth mom Elle for her gift of motherhood to me, and to Heavenly Father who guided her to place him in our home.
Our live are connected to each other a lot more we think. Pay attention to those people who come into your life, even for a short while.
A few years ago I wrote a poem for Alexander and was reminded of it a few days ago by a comment my niece made to my sister. Olivia is also adopted and she wanted to know why she didn't get to grow in her mommy's tummy because she really, really wanted to grow in HER tummy! I know how Olivia feels. I really wanted my children to grow in my tummy, too, but they grew somewhere else instead.  Here is Alexander's poem:

I longed to be a mother
And the desire within me grew
I tried to do some other things
But deep inside I knew
That I would only be at peace
When you came in my life
But I did not yet understand
The pain and coming strife.

You would not enter easily
Though my arms were open wide
My body – it was broken
And my hopes and dreams all died
I believed there to be just one way
To see my dream obtained
For you to grow inside of me
Was the hope I could not gain.

The Lord showed me another way
To have you come to me
The way you came into the world
Was for more than one to see
Your birth affected many
And you’re loved beyond your years
For there were those who loved you first
And made a choice through many tears
That your life would be ours to raise
Though I did not give you birth
A gift of mother and a dad
To guide your life upon this earth.

I thought you had to grow inside
To make my life content
But what I’ve learned is that
You’ve made my inside grow instead
My heart is even bigger than
My belly will ever be
And I feel the love of God has come
From your life into me.

Now I realize that this love has been
With me right from the start
For your life was the seed of hope
That grew within my heart.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

And Back Into the Light

"There are better things ahead than any we leave behind." - C.S. Lewis

"Yes, there will be moments of beginnings and moments of endings throughout our lives, but these are only markers along the way of the great middle of our eternal lives....Being always in the middle means that the game is never over, hope is never lost, defeat is never final. For no matter where we are or what our circumstances, an eternity of beginnings and an eternity of endings stretch out before us. - Deiter F. Uchtdorf

What a difference a day makes. And it's not just the day, it's everything that has happened in that day that has changed me into who I am able to be today. I wish I could have recorded my 1 1/2 hour conversations with my best friends to share all that I have learned. I hope my brain will help me remember all I feel that I need to write - I'm better at poetry.

Be patient with me as there are so many details I wish to share, but because it is late, I want to do it with a fresh mind.

Until tomorrow, then......