Wednesday, November 7, 2012

I Need Help to Feel Grateful

On Facebook there is a campaign to write something you are grateful for every day in the month of November. I wrote something on November 1st and then I have stayed away from Facebook because I didn't want to get into everyone's political statuses, etc. I don't consider myself a political person, but I am patriotic. I love my country and I feel it a privilege and a blessing that I live in America. I am a women and I get to vote. I have freedoms that others only dream of.

So why am I not feeling very grateful? I guess I am feeling so discouraged about my current situation and was really hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel. Now that tunnel has been blocked off and I sit here, another day going by, wondering how I am going to make my life better for me and my children. Yes, I believe it is ultimately my responsibility to make my life better, but again, that is a Republican notion and my country voted to let the Democratic government be responsible for me. So, tomorrow I have an appointment with the Medicaid office where I get to "choose" a health plan for me and my children. My food stamp EBT card should be arriving in the mail soon. I am grateful that these programs are in place to help me. I just wanted them to be a temporary stopping ground on my way to a better way of life for me and my children. Now I don't know how long I will be here using up tax money to care for my family. Some may say this is the easy way - food and healthcare for nothing. If it is so easy, why is it the hardest thing I've ever done? Why is it that I am crying while I am writing this blog? Because it's not the easy way. I cry wondering if I will ever be able to get a good enough job to support myself, let alone my children (and then of course, be able to afford child care while I am out working trying to support my family). I cry wondering how long I can keep my health under control with the amount of stress I feel. I cry wondering if there is any Balm in Gilead. I cry and have to answer my children the reason why.

Because I am a white, 43-year-old, divorced, single mother who has 2 children who both have long-term medical needs and has long-term medical needs of her own. Because I wanted to improve my standard of living and theirs. Because now I really don't know how I am going to do that on my own.

I need help, especially from my Democrat friends, to know what I have to look forward to. You voted for 4 more years of bigger government. Tell me why you haven't let me down. I don't want personal attacks. I don't want political party loyalty crap. I want real, intelligent, concrete reasons for why you voted the way you did and how I can have a reason to wake up tomorrow morning.

Because tomorrow morning I am waking up to take your tax dollars - apparently for a very long time.