I know all the standard and trite (and true) expressions for the need for faith. I want to have faith - in fact, it is the greatest desire I have right now. How, though, do I have faith in the face of uncertainty, doubt, and seemingly impossible outcomes? I know, I know, that's the definition of faith! I know that God is a God of miracles. I know that faith precedes the miracle. I know all these things in my head and feel them in my heart. Why then does it feel so hard to do?
I know faith is strengthened when you exercise it but I don't know how to exercise faith more than I already am. I am weary from all the exercise - and lack of rest due to my seemingly endless need for more exercise. I feel like I "do" all the right things - pray, read scriptures, pay tithing, ask, wait, serve, attend church, attend the temple. I feel like I try to "be" who I am supposed to be - unselfish, charitable, kind - Christlike, but not perfect. I'm trying to have faith that my life will get better. I'm trying to have faith that God will keep His promises to me.
Is it ironic that I am so doubtful of my faith?